remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
