I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
