i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
