I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
