Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
