He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
