you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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