My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
