You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
