That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Text me some of your sweat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
