You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
