If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
