So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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