should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
