I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
