its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
