I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
