Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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