do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
