It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
