I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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