When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize