we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
