Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
