Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
