If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
