I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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