i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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