you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
