HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
