ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
