The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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