it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A bitchslap is in order.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
