is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize