You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
