Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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