MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
