Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
