my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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