The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
3pm strippers are depressing
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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