ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
