You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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