Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
