Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
