just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
