I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
