No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
