is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize