im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
