she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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