I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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