Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize