If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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