I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
