guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
