I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
