absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
