I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize