Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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