I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
