We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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