Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize