i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
