Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
