Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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