the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize