i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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