I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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