I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
