he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
