i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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