Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
