when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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