I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
