I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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